Crescent City Sucks

even on a good day...

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Get yer porn here!

Life slithers by here in my surreal corner of the world. I made it to my first payday at the liquor store : $75.36 for two days of catering to the diverse clientele of Discount Liquor. They are not all bad people. They've just made careers out of making bad choices, as did I when I decided to move back to this shithole. My most recent favorites: smokers. Either in ignorance or contempt of state law, many customers enjoy their cigarettes while shopping for their morning/afternoon/evening alcoholic beverages and next package of smokes. When told to extinguish said cigarettes, most customers feign deafness and in one instance actually was deaf.
Runner-up favorite customers : the savvy porn shopper. I've never worked in a store that sold porno before and people on the porn-purchase mission tend to display strange behavior. Basically they come in two flavors, the unabashed, shameless porn hounds and the guilt-ridden I'm-not-really-buying-this-no one-can-see-me-buying-this-or-my-life-will-end porno sneaker. You know what the porn hound/bitch is up to when they come into the store. They want porn and they don't care who knows about it. It's three in the afternoon and the store is full of grade school kids, who cares! They think a naked female with a cock in her ass is wholesome fun for the whole family. Their attitude and deliberate manner can be annoying and in some cases, a liablity. I try to get them on their way as soon as I can, and don't under any circumstances encourage them. The girl who was training me on the cash register the other day actually went over to the dirty magazine rack helped and pair of ladies pick out porn. I don't think I would take that liberty with my job description. Their openness and liberated sexuality can be uplifting and inspirational, but is mostly just plain annoying.
I feel bad for the sneaky porn buyer guy, and yes, it's always a guy, and want to suggest that the internet might be a better venue for their purchases since buying smut in public seems to entail undue stress and planning, but they don't hang out long enough to talk. Usually they have uncanny timing and magically appear when the store is empty, a feat that can only be achieved through careful planning since the store has a steady stream of patrons throughout open hours. Small talk is kept to a minimum and eye contact is avoided at all times. I attempt to cater to their sense of shame and check them out as fast as possible, and resist the temptation to fuck with them. Can't let my powers as a cashier in a liquor store go to my head.
Coming tomorrow - Top Ten Raving Lunatics!

2 Comments:

At 5/04/2005 02:27:00 AM, Blogger Ed said...

Michael, you are really fucking funny! Good blogging, m'man.

 
At 5/04/2005 04:14:00 PM, Anonymous anne said...

Interesting about the women. Were they partners, or just a couple of chicks out for lunch and some shopping?

 

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